Shameless Plug for Friend

Matt Humphreys: singer, songwriter, bonvivant, fashionista, and heartbreaker.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, KOS is proud to bring you the 'coming out' of ......... The Matt Humphrey's Band. Well, maybe just a gig with the new bass player. Matt is going back to playing 'ensemble' (with others) instead of only solo (but not altogether) and this Friday, Feb. 25 @ The Office Bar & Grill is the first 'official' showcase that Matt will be performing to tighten things up with the 'french guy'. The sound is great and this is the opening showcase. Matt has recruited an amazing bassist to help out on shows that need a little more of a kick in the a##. Drop by and say 'Bonjour!' to Dave Buland (fresh off the boat from France). The other benefit is that Friday's are 'wing-nights' at The Office so the amazing wings (Best in Toronto!) are cheaper than normal!

If you've never seen or heard Matt perform this is a great opportunity to do so. The gig is an early one, 6 pm - 9 pm, so it's great for afterwork on a Friday. Matt is also playing Fionn MacCool's @ St. Clair & Yonge tonight starting @ 9 pm.

The Office Bar & Grill, 3313 Bloor St. W. (just east of Islington Subway, on Bloor), 416.239.9484

Hockey Negotiations, Governor General: Hockey expert!?, and other observations

The King of Schmooze with a 'real' competitor, Toronto Raptor's Jalen Rose. A heart as big as his smile.


Loyal Subjects! I do apologize for my lack of blogging over the past 2 weeks. The KOS has had a rather eventful time since my last post on Feb. 2.

My royal archiving device crashed (much more eloquent than 'hard-drive' n'est pas?). Luckily we were able to save all the important Royal Archives but I was without a computer for about a week.

During that time there have been several things that came to my attention that I wanted to wax eloquently about, but due to time and space restraints I've decided that I will do this post in point form. So here goes:

1. Ashes to Ashes ......
It is with a sad heart that I found out this week that the mother of a close friend passed away last week. My prayers go out to Derek, the Major, and the rest of the family. Your mom was a unique woman and those who knew her were blessed.

2. Tom Cruise, John Travolta ......... S. Gibson??
Yes, it would appear that no sooner than my friend 'Scibson' lands in Hollywierd that he has joined the Church of Scientology (not that there's anything wrong with that!). This has not been confirmed in this week's edition of 'Variety' but how else could you explain someone who is a certified "Boddvivant" (as in Boddington's, the beer) not having a drink in Tinsletown yet? So really Scibson, are you down there to act or did you just check into Betty Ford?

3. Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux........ King of Schmooze??
Yes, the rumours are true. KOS did become involved with the hockey negotiations last week. I convened a special meeting with T. Linden, B. Goodenow, and B. Guerin at Hemingways to discuss the next move. It was actually me, the King of Schmooze, who suggested the idea of having Gretzky and Lemieux get involved. Unfortunately, even that last ditch effort didn't work. Sorry, no pictures to back this up, but KOS did get both Mr. Linden's and Mr. Goodenow's autographs. Nice on them!

4. Governor General Suggests giving Stanley Cup to Women's hockey .......
KOS has to be careful how to approach this one.

Let me be emphatic here, KOS is not a misogynist.

I have no problems with women's hockey, female governor general's, or my Mother .... (Hi Mom!).

I do roll my eyes when people though who think they need to comment on something, when they really don't need to. Sure the Stanley Cup was originally donated by Lord Stanley who was at the time the GG of Canada. But that changed in 1947 when the NHL was awarded the rights to use it as their 'trophy' exclusively.

The fact of the matter GG, Canadians might have somewhat of a passing notion that it's too bad the Stanley Cup won't be awarded this year. But for the most part, based on my in-depth, bar based polling, most people don't really care and have gotten on with their lives "sans 'ock-ay". To even think that there would be any interest in such a thing south of the border is even a dumber insight. NO ONE CARES ABOUT 'ock-ay' IN THE US except Joey and Chandler ...... and they are off the air now!

Let's just get on with our lives and get excited about the Blue Jays!

5. Spend $15,000 and get $150 worth of free coffee or a flight to New York ..... ??
So have you seen this new c/c from RBC and Starbucks called 'duetto'. It pays you 1% of your purchases in Starbucks dollars. So, you spend $100, you get $1. With a RBC Avion card you 1 "Air mile" for every $1 you spend ........ that means you'd have to spend $15,000 for a trip to Manhattan as you'd need 15,000 Aeroplan points to get a flight that would normally cost about $250-$300 cash. Take that same $15,000 and buy stuff and you'll get $150 worth of Starbucks bucks for coffee, a coffee maker, or a stainless steel 'travel mug'.

I think my loyal subjects are smart enough to see the big picture. Unless you're hopelessly hooked on the coffee or your no-fat, half-caff, vanilla machiatto this deal sorta makes no consumer sense. Besides, a coffee is 99% water anyway (reg. coffee, not the 'fancies'), which is probably why they are only giving you 1% on your purchases. "H'mmmm, 1% on purchases you say ....... I'll take it! Woo - Hooo! So long, suckers!" D'oh!

6. April 15, 2005 ............ the day 'Wince Cart-air' returns to T.O.
Mark this date in your calendars folks. The New Jersey Nets come to Toronto to take on our Raptors with their new 'superstar' Wince Cart-air. If you're going to the game have fun and don't forget to boo ......... loudly.

Sidebar #1:
In case you can't get tickets to the game (it is mostly sold-out):
1. Call or email me and i'll see if my friends at Time 4 You or Toronto Concierge can help out.
2. If you need a place to watch the game instead of at home on your 19" 'big screen" here are a couple of options:

Westend -
The Office Sports Bar & Grill, 3313 Bloor St. E. (just east of the Islington subway stop), 416.2369.9484: Probably the best wings in Toronto. Get the 'Florida' style ones. The chicken fingers are very tasty as well, and juicy! Cheaper beer than downtown and half the ambiance....meaning more like Cheers, less like Lobby. But Friday's are wing nights so I'll take the cheap wings to cover. You might want to bring your binoculars though as the TV's are spread around the room. Which brings me to another point ....... Terre, Nic, and Glen - now that we've got the outdoor 'patio heater' happening, maybe it's time for a couple of big, flat screen HD TV's. Just an observation. Maybe if we took down a couple of Glen's 'award bats' from the Blue Jays we could fit one over the shuffle board table.

Downtown -
Victory Sports Bar & Grill, 244 Adelaide St. W. (duncan & adelaide - across from the now deceased Vinnie's Social Hall), 416.642.0105: The great thing about this place besides the downtown location, the great staff, and good food are the big, flat screen HD TV's. If you go, ask for Andrew and tell him Graham from Time 4 You sent you. That way I'll be sure to get my "beer commission".

Hemingways, Cumberland across from the park in Yorkville, 416.968.2828: Great place to go on a Friday night, after work. Good place to network if you're into that kind of stuff. This is where KOS and the NHLPA hold our meetings. Good place for sports, but they too (or is it ,too,?) need a couple of big, flat screen HD TV's.
Beer is almost as cheap as The Office (the best Value in Yorkville!), but alas no 'wing-night'. They do make excellent wings though, and give out free samples on Sundays!
One of the few places left in Toronto where you can smoke AND watch the game.

Take the 'smoking room' to cover.

Back to 'wince-sanity':
This guy took us for $US 90 Million and said that he 'just wasn't having fun anymore' and that he was 'tired of playing for a losing team, and needed a change'. Was he breaking up with us or what? Basketball players, what a bunch of spoiled whiners. I can hear Karl Malone rolling his eyes over this 'whiner'. What happened to players who stuck with a team through thick and thin? Now, I can understand wanting out if say the team was the LA Clippers where one has to wonder "What is with this franchise? Aren't they the ones who used to play the Harlem Globetrotters? I can understand wanting the opportunity to win a championship near the end of your career like Malone, Gary Payton or in hockey Ray Borque, but Wince is no where near the end of his career.

I'm glad that the Raptors spanked the Nets last night. I'm glad that Wince played a pathetic game. I'm glad that a player with heart, Jalen Rose, was the leading scorer for both teams while at the same time shutting down Wince and holding him to 22 points (4 points below his season average of 26 ppg). I hope that the Raptors don't trade Jalen Rose. He is the type of player that this franchise needs and has needed since Charles Oakley was traded. We need players that are mentally tough, could care less about all the 'hugging, and kissin' and glad-handing' that goes on before tip-off at an NBA game. We also need players that are team players and a leaders for the younger players on the Raptors. Did Jalen demand a trade after Coach Mitchell took him out of the starting 5? No, he proceeded to become the first player off the bench and the most dominant player in most games despite the fact he was playing fewer minutes. That's what leaders do.

Speaking of leaders, and future leaders:

Chris Bosh became the 3rd youngest player in NBA history to record 1000 rebounds. The others were: Kevin Garnett and Tracie McGrady. It took Garnett 143 games to get to 1,000, it took McGrady 186 and Bosh just 130.

This kid is going to be a superstar, and he is going to be much bigger than Wince. Why you ask? For the simple reason that he is a player, not a showboat, and has a heart. Couple that with humility, a willingness to learn, incredible athletic ability and you've got 'superstar' material.

Sidebar - is it any coincidence that they are selling 'selected' Vince Carter items for 60% off the original value at the ACC? Maybe they are basing the new pricing on his previous efforts.

Anyway, Rob B., in case you are listening ....... don't trade Jalen!

Well, that's all for now. It's time for the royal midday nap.

Is it too early for green beer?:
The King of Schmooze with the infamous 'Pyeman' during St. Patrick's day 2004 @ the Office Bar & Grill.

So in case you're wondering what this has to do with the month of February, please allow me the privilege of tying everything together for you.

It looks as thought the New England St. Pat-riots are about to win their 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years. This is not a bad little streak to have going. I can remember watching the first Super Bowl they won back in 2001 because I was in Sydney, NSW, Australia, Earth at the time. In reality I was watching the game the day after it was played. Go figure that one out!

The green is in honour of the noble warriors from the Philadelphia Eagles who are going to give it their all but ultimately fail in the face of a superior coaching staff led by Bill Belichek.

The photo of KOS with 'Pyeman' is in honour of the fact that my good friend and mentor is actually going down to Jacksonville to attend Super Bowl XXXIX. So if anyone wants any ticket stubs or programs from the game, or Tom Brady's jockstrap let me know so that we can place your order with Glen, er Pyeman. He actually 'dabble's in sports memorabilia so I'm sure if we asked nicely he might be able to accommodate requests. When I say dabble, think DABBLE. He also maintains a small interest in a Etobicoke institution, The Office Bar & Grill @ Bloor & Eagle Rd. (just east of Islington), 416.239.9484, where they serve some of the best (if not THE BEST) chicken wings in Toronto. If you're stuck for a place to watch the game this Sunday, and you are out in the westend, The Office is a great place. Think 'Cheers' and 'Rustic'.

For the rest of you, including myself, who are going to be in the vicinity of downtown (I'll be at the Raptors game till about 4 pm) we're going to be taking in the Super Bowl at 'Victory' which is at the corner of Duncan and Adelaide. Unlike some establishments in that area that have closed: Vinnie's Social Hall, Duncan St. Grill - Victory is still open.

I had the pleasure of watching the St. Pat-riots demolish the Steelers at this bar and it was quite enjoyable. The best part were the pair of 52" HDTV screens they have behind the bar. The picture was amazing!

Anyway, that's my bit about Super Bowl XXXIX. I'm not going to go on the record and predict a 72-3 victory for the St. Pat-riots like my good friend Tyler, but I'm going to say that the Patriots are going to win. Big.

The Three Chartreusers:
The King of Schmooze with Scott Gibson and the guy who looks like Carter from 'Spin City' (sorry Sean!, or is it Shawn?).
Actually, this was the night at the 'H' that Russell Crowe was having a party in the corner of the outside patio. His bodyguard 'Spud' wouldn't let me get a picture with Russell so I settled for some good old Canadian 'talent'.

Virus', Chunky Chili & Paris-ites

First the Virus'

Well, yes the rumours are true, the King of Schmooze is sick. I came down with a cold last Thursday and have been under the weather since then. Even though it's mostly just a annoying cough by this point, it is a pain in the a** as I've been feeling tired and very 'yucky'. Hopefully this thing will run its course in the next day or so as I'm beginning to feel like Wiarton Willie ... just waiting to pop my head out of the ground to see what the weather is going to be like.

The good news is that I haven't started acting like Howard Hughes and opening doors with layers of tissues, or wearing tissue boxes as slippers. I'm not sure about the rest of you but I still have not been able to get out to see 'The Aviator'. I'm looking forward to seeing it as I read a biography about Hughes before Christmas that was very enjoyable. I learnt alot about the man that I was previously unaware of. For example, he didn't really 'go insane' as people might suspect on first observation. He actually suffered from excessive compulsive disorder at a time when people didn't understand it, and weren't able to diagnose it.

I was reminded of this whole thing about sickness, germs, and Hughes today while I watched The Simpsons. It was the episode where Marge becomes a 'slot jockey' at Mr. Burn's casino and gets hooked on the game neglecting her family. The side story is about Mr. Burn's going 'crazy' a la Howard Hughes. It was quite funny, especially the part where Mr. Burns gets out of bed wearing tissue boxes as slippers. If you don't know about Howard Hughes you wouldn't have understood the humour. It's no wonder that some people don't understand or 'get' The Simpsons. It's a very high level of humour with lots of 'hidden' jokes and references to other events. Another hilarious part of this episode was that because Marge was busy in the casino she forgot to help Lisa prepare her costume for the geography pageant at school. So Homer to the rescue! He builds Lisa a costume that is supposed to be shaped like Florida. It turns out to be a total disaster, but the funny part is if you look closely you'll see that Homer spelt Florida, 'Floreda' on the costume. D'oh!!

Now to food!

I had the pleasure of attending a 'send-off' party for a friend this past Saturday night at Prego Della Piazza. My friend, Scott Gibson, is heading south to Hollywood to cast his lot with the new TV pilot season. It's kind of like reverse migration: birds go south in winter, Canadian actors go south in Spring. I'm sure Scott, or Brian as he prefers, will come up with something. In fact he mentioned that he had something on the go as soon as he got into town. Until then we'll just have to get along without him and learn to do shots of Chartreuse on our own. You may have seen Scott, er Brian, recently in a series of Campbell's Chunky Chili commercials that have been airing on TV. He plays 'Brian' the brainy financial whiz who explains 'hedging' to the announcer. Believe me Scott is a great actor, because as far as I know his math skills end at tabulating his bar bill at the end of the night.

One exciting project that he'll be working on is a production called 'Lucky Number Slevin' which is being directed by Paul McGuigan who directed 'Wicker Park' starring Josh Hartnett. Josh is back in this movie along with Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley and Lucy Lui. You can check out more info at the following link: http://www.ascendantpictures.com/coming.html
It's being filmed in Montreal at the moment and then New York. Hopefully it will be ready to go in time for the Toronto Film Festival this year.

Good Luck Scott! To your success! It's either that or back to Hemingways and Metropia!

Onto the Paris-ites.

I'm not sure about you, but the King of Schmooze is growing entirely bored and annoyed with these Paris-ites who parade around emmulating Paris Hilton. Now, I'm very impressed with Miss Hilton in some ways: the fact that she's been able to transform her 'career' as a millionaire hieress party socialite into a 'career' as an actress, author, and fashion designer. Great moves! I'm even more impressed by the fact that she's been able to influence so many young women into emmulating her look and personality.

The thing that has really started to annoy me though, is not neccessarily Miss Hilton herself, but women who have taken to carrying their pet 'dogs' around in custom 'carrying' bags. Now the dogs themselves aren't really much to talk about, don't get me wrong I like dogs, cats, koala, groundhogs, etc. That's not the point. The point is that these miniature breeds of dogs have been transformed from being an animal - a pet - into being a fashion accessory.

What set me off on this tangent was being in an upscale restaurant last week (it shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) and having a women, with her dog, in her bag, at the bar. Now it goes without saying that having a live animal in a restaurant is against the rules. In fact, unless the dog/animal is a 'working animal' i.e. a seeing eye dog, it is against provincial food/retaurant regulations to have live animals in a business establishment where food is served. This was the 2nd time I've witnessed this idiocy. The other time was about a month ago in another establishment that I won't name. This time the woman had TWO (2) dogs in her bag.

Now ladies, you'll have to excuse me because honestly I'm sure there are some 'men' who carry their pet dogs around in bags over their shoulder. So please, this is not a rant against you. This is bringing blatant stupidity in the name of 'fashion' into the public forum. Dogs are not fashion accessories. They are dogs. Leave them at home with the chew toy as I'm not interested in meeting them when you're out having a drink. If I wanted to meet a 'dog' when I was out for a drink, then just ask I'll buy you one ...... a drink that is .............

Anyway, here's to the 'Ban Tinkerbell' Society of Toronto. By the way, I really like dogs! Actually I prefer cats as they are less needy and can go to the bathroom on their own.